instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
