Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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