I'm really into asian looking animals
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
