i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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