So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
