dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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