I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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