I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
