Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
