i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
