I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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