I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
