you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
