I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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