wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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