I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So much rum. So many feels.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
