I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We are all done wearing pants today
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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