fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
