My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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