He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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