just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
