Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
