I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
