can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
