I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize