i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
