Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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