dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize