Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
