So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
