Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
