She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
