Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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