trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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