Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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