If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
