i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
