Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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