Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
