ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
