i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
