I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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