More tranny stories later!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
