I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
