After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
