just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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