Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
