what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
