My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
