my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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