You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
