I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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