I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
