from now on my penis is your penis
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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