So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
