Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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