I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
