The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
