Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
