She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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