I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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