Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
